The Day I Lost My Front Tooth

June 21, 2020, was the day when my life turned into a roller coaster. I suffered multiple injuries around my body and broke my teeth. It was that day that I thought life has somehow ended. I kept thinking it was all just a horrible dream. However, it was not. This terrible thing, unfortunately, did happen to me.

The blog you are about to read is about an incident that happened to me on June 21, 2020. This blog may contain pictures of my injuries, and they may scare you a little bit. If you are sensitive to seeing blood and wounds, then you should refrain from viewing the pictures. While I still would like people to know my story, I have made some adjustments. You have options to either view them or not. All you need to do is follow the steps when viewing the pictures. The choice is yours to make.

A SUMMARY OF WHAT HAPPENED

I was out celebrating at night on June 21 in Lan Kwai Fong (Central) because I finally resigned from my job after a painful 17 months of bad management and almost zero employee benefits. I will be free in a month time so I decided to celebrate with my friends and Ryan that fateful night. It was a fun night overall and I’m just looking forward to finding my next work adventure. 

We called it a night at around 4 am, and Ryan and I wanted to grab something to eat before going home. We went to a Thai barbecue food stall. While we were queueing for our orders to arrive, we were happily discussing my plans. When our ticket number was called upon, Ryan went to pick up the food. As he was about to grab our order, a Caucasian man suddenly said to him, “Go get your f*cking order”, and he said it twice to Ryan. Ryan was furious because that man was being rude. They began to get into a heated argument. I’m not sure what that guy’s deal was or what was his purpose for being extremely rude and trying to initiate a fight with a stranger. One thing for sure was that he was drunk and aggressive. I believe they both threw punches at each other. I, on the other hand, tried to keep Ryan away. After all, we came here to have something to eat and not to fight with anyone. 

We left as I was hoping to avoid any more fights from happening. However, the Caucasian man tailed us and was screaming like a psycho while trying to get to us. I didn’t want Ryan to have anything to do with him anymore so I begged him to go away and so he did hesitantly. While I continued to walk, I heard that guy screaming again from behind and the next thing I know I felt a huge force at my back and I instantly fell to the ground. No, I should say I flew and fell on the ground very hard. I felt the adrenaline of falling and I thought that was it. I remembered screaming, “NOOOOO!” as I was falling. 

As soon as I fell, I felt like I was going to pass out but I fought it and I tried to get up. A female police officer lifted me, and I immediately pointed at the guy and told her that he was the one who pushed me down. I was thinking about my iWatch when I fell as it is new. However, I noticed something was wrong. I felt one of my front teeth on my lower lip, and my mouth wasn’t close as normally. Something wasn’t right so I asked the officer what was wrong with my teeth, and she said that I broke my teeth. I panicked, and I began to be frantic. I was crying, and I was wailing. I never wail like that in my life, at least not as an adult. The officer had to calm me down. A few people came to approach me to ask me what happen and to also comfort me. 

I was a bit numb when I fell, and I only started to feel the pain of my injuries after losing that adrenaline from the time when I fell. I couldn’t believe this happened to me. The only way for me to know the truth was to see it myself. When I was in the ambulance, I took my phone out and went to see myself from the camera. There, I saw everything. I started to cry, and I wailed again. I even took pictures of me to keep as my own evidence.

RYAN’S SIDE OF THE STORY

I learned from Ryan later on that when I asked him to go away, he did for a few seconds, and then he looked back, and he couldn’t see me anymore as I was already on the ground at the time. The Caucasian guy came near him and was trying to initiate another fight with him. Luckily, police officers were already there. 

He was looking for me, but he couldn’t see me, and the officer wouldn’t let him go and find me. He later knew that I fell because a man approached the Caucasian man and said to him, “Hey! Why did you do that to her? I saw what you did.”, and the Caucasian man answered, “The boyfriend punched me.” 

The boyfriend punched him, so he tried to get back at his girlfriend. Wow! What a coward! He initiated a problem with Ryan, and when he couldn’t do anything else, he decided to attack me instead. I didn’t do anything to him. What he did was utterly unnecessary, and only a mad person would do that. 

Ryan finally saw me while the medic was bringing me to the ambulance. He was deeply saddened and angry at what happened to me. 

Before things

went downhill

We looked so happy here. Little did we know that something bad was about to happen.

MY INJURIES

I sustained six injuries all over my body. It was definitely a hard fall. I felt that I literally plunge to the ground. because I felt the adrenaline of falling. I almost lost consciousness when I dropped. I still remember the feeling that I felt on that fateful night even up to this day.

Here are my injuries:

Dental Injuries - My right front tooth was badly damaged and needed to be extracted immediately. My left front tooth was chipped. Another tooth on the right was affected too.

Leg Injury - My right knee was badly scraped and the doctor said that will leave a big scar and may not go away very soon. I may have to do surgery should I wish to get rid of the scar one day.

Forearm - My left forearm had a scratch. Fortunately, it will only leave a temporary scar. 

Shoulder - My right shoulder had a huge scrape and It was stinging for the first two weeks. The doctor said this scar will go away eventually. It stings whenever I try to move my right shoulder.

Index Finger - My left index finger had a bruise due to the impact when I fell. Luckily, I didn’t break any bones. 

Face - I had a few abrasions on my face. A bit of scrape each on the upper edge of my nose, right forehead and under my right eye (the eye bag area). Luckily, I didn’t break any facial bones and the wounds will go away in a week or two. 

MY FIRST TOOTH EXTRACTION

Back when I was still a child, my teeth usually fall on their own. At 29 years old, I had my very first tooth extraction surgery. It was overwhelming and hard to accept because I tried so hard to maintain my teeth. I worked so hard to keep my teeth healthy. Because of this incident, I had no choice but to remove one original tooth. I can still do a tooth implant, but it won’t be genuine anymore and it’s extremely expensive. I had to let go and let the dentist do what was best for me. 

The whole surgery was painful and traumatizing. The gum area of my missing tooth was bleeding from time to time until the next day. I literally had to swallow the blood whenever I feel any pressure from my missing tooth. Tooth Extraction is no joke.

So I went to see the dentist right after I’ve given my statement from the police station. My sister, brother-in-law and Ryan were there to accompany me. I was so exhausted and was still in shock, but I had to get my teeth checked as it was hurting a lot. After the extraction, they dropped me off at my home. I was feeling okay when I was with them, but the moment I got home, I cried immediately. Tears were just dripping down my cheeks. I couldn’t believe I’m going through this horrible thing. I think I cried myself to sleep. I had a dream that we managed to avoid the fight without any of us getting hurt. I tried to feel my front teeth the minute I woke up and there it was, it was all real. This is the reality that I need to face. No more crying and feeling sorry for myself. I need to get back up, get better, find a way to cope with this traumatic experience and just merely focus on myself. I can’t do anything when I’m weak both physically and mentally.

BED REST FOR FIVE DAYS

I was struggling to move for the first 5 days. I called in sick and didn’t go to work after 5 days. My sick leaves were unpaid because my work didn’t provide any sick leave benefits and wouldn’t let me use my remaining annual leaves. I was expecting they would be more understanding and adjust to this unforeseen event of my life, given that I never called in sick to work. I can’t rely on any sympathy from my previous employer. My loyalty and hard work meant nothing to them. Unfortunately, I was working for people who don’t give a damn about their employees. It’s great to know that I made the right decision to resign.

I was in bed most of the time. I only get to leave my bed when I need to go to the bathroom. I was limping, and every time I move my wounded leg and shoulder, it was so painful. It was my worst week. I’m usually very active throughout the day. However, my injuries prevented me from moving too much. I spent most of the 5 days sleeping, watching Netflix and messaging my friends. I couldn’t even talk that much because of my teeth.

Eating was also very difficult. Since the dentist extracted my right front tooth and my left front tooth was still chipped, I can’t chew solid food that well. I mostly ate soup, vermicelli noodles (cut into thin slices), and indulged in the food through a bubble tea straw. I felt so helpless, but I’m still thinking positively during those painful days. 

BACK TO WORK SITUATION

I went back to work after 5 days because I can’t afford any more unpaid sick leaves. My dentist bills will be very expensive. I was still limping and wasn’t able to move normally like I used to. My work schedule was super hectic, even though my manager knew about my injuries. They just don’t care, and it was disappointing because the least they can do was be lenient with me after working so hard for them. However, seeing my students cheered me up a little bit as they showed their care and concerns.

DAY 6-15

The next 10 days were much better. I can chew solid food, but I need to cut them into thin slices or pieces with a pair of scissors. I used a pair of chopsticks to put the food into my mouth because I’m afraid the spoon may touch my broken teeth. I’m being very extra careful.

Fortunately, it’s face mask season, and I can hide my missing tooth. That made me feel less insecure. However, whenever I’m having dinner with my family or friends in the restaurant, I felt a little bit conscious. I am very observant, and I can see people around us looking at my teeth. That was uncomfortable, but I can’t control people's eyes and what they want to think. I also had to bring my eating tools - a pair of scissors, chopsticks and straws whenever I go out to eat. How humiliating is that? I felt like a baby who can’t chew.

MY FIRST IMPLANT AND FIRST DENTURE

I had my first tooth implant treatment on Day 16. The dentist had implanted the screw. It took over an hour to finish the treatment. It was not painful because I had anaesthesia. However, during the last 15 minutes, the numbness was starting to wear off and I can feel the stitches. My dentist asked if I wanted another shot of anaesthesia and I said no. It was raw but I can handle the pain. I didn't have a choice.

I also got my denture to cover my missing front tooth. It was uncomfortable to wear for the first few days. I had speech problems during those days. I couldn’t pronounce some words with /f/ and /th/ sounds. Eventually, I got used to the denture and began to speak a bit normally. Wearing a denture was a pain in the ass. There were several times I wanted to rip the denture off with my tongue because it was always blocking my tongue and eating with it was another struggle.

DAY 17-22

My injuries started to show some improvements. The abrasions on my face were almost gone. My right shoulder injury and my left forearm injury had been minimized. However, my left index finger was still quite swollen. My teeth remained the same. My left knee wound is healing, and I can notice a big scar coming along. This is going to be horrible - I said to myself at the time.

MY THIRD DENTAL TREATMENT - REMOVE STITCHES AND FILL IN CHIPPED TOOTH

On Day 23, I went back to the dentist to remove the stitches for my tooth implant. The dentist initially wanted to fix my left front tooth - root canal first and then put a crown later on. However, he recommended doing it at my next appointment as he wanted to double-check with the lab, and also to see if the roots in my left front tooth may heal at some point. Instead of doing any surgery, he covered and filled in some cement over to my chipped tooth. Now, I can smile as if my teeth were perfectly normal. However, I’m not supposed to smile too big as my denture may drop. It honestly almost did once when I laughed too wildly.

Here are some of the pictures of me wearing a denture. You can zoom in onto my side teeth and see those metal materials. It looks perfect and painless, eh? However perfect it may look, it was not easy to wear a denture.

Due to the COVID-19, and the sudden increase of positive cases in Hong Kong, my dentist cancelled my next appointment. I will have my treatment when it has settled down. So, the waiting game and frustration start now.

DAY 24-40

Most of my injuries had improved gradually over the next 17 days. By this time, I can walk much better. I am no longer limping. However, since I have been massaging my left index finger, one small part of the skin ripped off. My skin is sensitive. I should have massaged it more gently. The abrasions on my face became very light. I almost did not have to put any concealer on anymore. My knee injury remained the same. I feel like the wound was not progressing any better.

On day 35, I was finally able to workout again. I needed to wait for my knee wound to get a bit better. I started to do some simple exercises. I tried to avoid exercises that require bending my knees. Going back on track was definitely helpful as I normally would workout at least 3 times a week. Skipping a month was a total bummer!

Feeling myself

again

I lost a bit of weight since I couldn’t eat a lot of food. I mostly ate soup, noodles and very thin slices of meat.

DAY 41-59

On Day 41, I had some bed bites over my left knee very close to the wound. It was itchy, and I scratched it for a bit. I immediately put more cream frequently. The wound on my left knee has reached the maturation stage and was turning into a scar. However, the scar wasn’t developing well and didn’t look like any regular scar. My teeth remained the same. I’m still waiting for my next appointment once the third wave is over in Hong Kong. The rest of the injuries gradually improved.

DAY 60 ONWARDS

The following days had been slightly getting better. My injuries were slowly fading away. However, my knee injury was progressing very slowly. I went to see a doctor at some point to have it tested. The doctor said my knee scar has turned into a keloid scar. He gave me two options for treatment - steroid injection or silicone pads. Steroid injection has faster effects than silicone pads, so I choose to get the injection. Oh my God! It was very painful. That thing hurt a lot. I was trying to hold the pain because I want it to get better. Having that scar was quite humiliating. People often ask about it and it reminds me of what happened to me. It’s embarrassing and traumatizing at the same time. The horrible memories always come back to mind. I’m supposed to get 2 more steroid shots for my knee. However, I didn’t want to do it anymore as it truly traumatized me. I always put scar gel twice a day. I can see some slow improvement and I do believe that it will eventually go away.

My teeth injuries were getting better as I’ve been seeing my dentist regularly for check-ups and treatment. I spent many hours laying on that chair and enduring all the pressures and pains from the surgeries. I try to keep myself strong because all I want was to get my teeth fixed so I can eat properly, smile normally and talk accurately.

On day 183, I finally went for my last treatment. It was the day when my dentist completed all the treatments that needed to be done. My teeth look great! I can smile without feeling conscious. I was so excited and I took a picture of myself right when I left the clinic and sent it to Ryan, my family and friends.

I believe I also suffer from PTSD even up to this day. I feel terrified of walking down the stairs or walking down a steep path whenever someone is behind me. I’m scared that I may get push or trip over by the person behind me. I try to be as alert as I can. Every time someone tries to touch my back, I always jump. You see, that never use to happen until that incident. Moreover, whenever I’m out in a restaurant or a bar while sipping a glass, I always have this thought that I might break my teeth. I try to fight this negative feeling but sometimes it’s really hard not to think about what could happen. I’m the type of person who doesn’t like surprises. That incident was a total bombshell. PTSD is real and it is happening everywhere and to anyone.

Scar is slowly

fading away…

I still get people asking me about my scar and each time I tell them what happened, it is like I’m reliving the night when it all occurred. I learn to just let it go. Sometimes when I don’t feel like saying anything, I just tell people that I tripped myself, end of the story.

Dental Letter

HOSPITAL AND POLICE CASE

After a few moments when I fell, an ambulance arrived and the medics assisted me to go in the ambulance as I can barely walk on my own. When I get to the hospital, I had to do some x-rays to check if I have any broken bones, and thankfully there were none. I was injected with a Tetanus vaccine because I had many open wounds. That injection was painful as hell. A nurse also cleaned and applied medicine to the wounds around my body. It was stinging a lot and I screamed painfully. Unfortunately, the hospital can’t treat my teeth as I need to go to a private dentist for treatment. 

Some police officers approached me while I was in the hospital. They were all asking the same questions - What happen to you? Who attack you? Do you know him? Where were you? Who are you with? All the same questions and repeatedly asking me. I was getting very frustrated because I, for one, was already suffering. I did not appreciate them coming to me asking me the same questions. None of them offered me a wheelchair. They were all just watching me as I try to walk my way from one station to another for checking and treatment. 

I came face-to-face with the Caucasian guy who pushed me. How did that happen? Well, I was called to a nurse ward for another check-up and there he was. I couldn’t help but speak to him, and asked him questions like - Why did you push me? What have I done to you? He couldn't look at me as if no one was talking to him. His girlfriend or his female friend was being unpleasant to me and even had the audacity to say something to me. She said, “Honey, we can’t see.” meaning she can’t see what happened to me. I went ballistic and I had to say something back to her. I showed her my teeth, opened my mouth wide open (I regretted that, but it was worth it). Right after I showed her the horrifying condition of my teeth, she looked away feeling disgusted. Well, that shut her up! I had never had a verbal confrontation with any stranger like that before. The police had to stop us from having any altercation. That was so unnecessary for her to speak to me sarcastically. She was not the one who got hurt.

My friend, Yuko came to accompany me until I was released from the hospital. After that, I had to go to the police station to give my statement. The whole process took longer to finish. I was in pain and at the same time, I need to give my statement, trying to recollect everything that happened. The officer took pictures of my injuries as part of the evidence. At the time, I was contradicting on who to call. I didn’t want to call my mother because she would be worried sick. In the end, it was best to call my sister. I briefly told her everything and she quickly came to be with me as soon as she can with my brother-in-law. It was very nice of them to come and stayed with me until Ryan was finally released and given his statement.

There were a few things I didn’t like when I was being questioned by the officers. They kept asking me these questions - Who pushed you? Did you see him push you? How did you know it was him? Do you think it’s someone else who pushes you? Was there anything on the ground? Did you trip over?  I didn’t appreciate that they were all asking me the same questions over and over again. Were they trying to test me if I was going to say the same answers? I was badly injured and this questioning completely wasn’t helpful to me at all. Somehow, I sort of doubted myself. I started to question my mind and thinking maybe it was all just in my head or I’m making things up. However, I didn’t let them manipulate the situation and for what happened to me. I stayed strong mentally and I trusted myself. Also, the CCTV footage can prove everything. There are a lot of cameras everywhere where the incident happened. It happened in Pedder Street. My statement would match with no doubt. 

THE FRUSTRATION I FEEL ABOUT THE CASE

After giving my statement to the CID officer, the only thing she said to me was to wait for them to call me back for updates. They never did for months. I tried calling 3 times to follow up on the case but to no avail. I didn’t get the answer that I wanted. All they had to say to me was to wait, unfortunately.

I was feeling hopeless and helpless. I try to be patient as cases like mine may take a while to resolve. However, I wish I knew what was going on or if there was an actual case at all. I felt that I have already lost, and no one will be held accountable for what happened to me. This 'waiting for their call' tactic was absurd.

A CALL AFTER 6 MONTHS AND THE VERDICT

I finally received a call from the CID after 6 months, and I was thrilled. At the time, I was near to having my teeth fixed, and when I received that call, I was pleased to hear from them. I asked my sister to come along with Ryan and me to meet the CID officer as my sister can speak Cantonese and communication would be easier having her there with us.

It was a different officer this time as the previous one no longer handles our case, so he took over our case. He briefly went over the statement made by myself and confirmed some information about the assault. He also asked how were my injuries. He then explained the situation and their investigation.

According to their investigation, both Ryan and the Caucasian guy were involved in a heated argument. However, Ryan threw the first punch, which resulted in the guy reacting violently towards me. He pushed me because he had a dispute with Ryan. It was a chain reaction. It was a total no-brainer, and he was drunk at the same time too. He admitted to pushing me because he was drunk. He did not mention any heated argument with Ryan. The police learned about that from me, and they had to investigate. The officer gave me two options - settle or go to court. He also explained that if I pursue the assault case, the guy would potentially be put behind bars, and so does Ryan. I was the sole victim in this case. That is how the judge would see it. If I settle, I could claim the expenses for my injuries. The best way was to settle as going to court would be very expensive and would take a long time to end the case. Also, I don’t ever wish to ever to see that Caucasian man again. I’m afraid that seeing him may trigger my traumatic experience in violence.

Honestly, I don’t fully agree with the investigation and verdict concluded by the detectives. I don’t agree with the guy's chain reaction and his excuse of being drunk. I don’t think it was fair for me. I suffered multiple injuries and I had to leave with this experience and PTSD for the rest of my life. However, there was not much that I can do. I could get myself a lawyer, but that would cost lots of money. Even if I did get a lawyer and if I pursue the case, Ryan would be in trouble. Both of them could end up behind bars, and I certainly didn’t want that to happen. I wouldn’t want to send anyone to jail. I am alive, and even though I had many injuries and have to live with dental implants for the rest of my life, I still don’t want to put someone behind bars. I admit I was very angry when my injuries were still fresh. I remembered saying that I would do everything that I can to find justice. However, my wounds were slowly healing and getting my teeth fixed certainly helped me heal spiritually too. I have a change of heart towards the whole situation. I healed physically, and so did my mind. I will never forget what happened to me, but I believe in moving on.

I was pleased to hear from the officer that the guy admitted that he pushed me and would pay for the cost. Now, that for me was showing some remorse for what he did.

The officer asked whether I want to go to court or settle the case, and I choose to settle it once and for all. I want this to be over, and hopefully, I get the settlement before Christmas and my 30th birthday. He asked to see my medical receipt, and he was pretty shocked when he saw how much I spent on my dental treatment. I spent about HK$47,000. Dental treatments in Hong Kong are expensive!

I signed my final statement that day, and my sister will be the main person to be contacted regarding the settlement. She spoke with the guy’s lawyer, and we agreed to settle with half payment of my dental bills. However, I was hoping I could get the full amount, but I agreed to half to get it over and done with. I got my cheque in the next few days, and I signed a settlement letter. I can’t claim any more cost should I change my mind later on. It was a tough decision to make but I know what’s the right thing to do. I can’t believe I went through all these things. I am just glad that it was all over. It was uncomfortable to be put into that situation.

FORGIVENESS AND A PEACE OF MIND

Even though the man who assaulted me never asked for my forgiveness nor apologize personally for what he had done to me. However, I needed to move on and find peace. I realized that I should not stay angry or upset. I need to find peace.

Some people advise me not to forgive too quickly, and I should always hold him accountable. However, holding grudges and clinging to what happened would not do me any good. What he did to me was extremely wrong from many angles. However, given the situation, I would like to believe that it was not his sole intention to hurt me like that. He was drunk and he was not in his right mind. His anger got the best of him. I have thought about it hard and long. Moving on was the best way to handle the situation. However, I will never forget what happened, but at least I can try to live peacefully.

Whatever happened, in the end, was not exactly the perfect one. However, we do not always get what we want. The only way I could continue to deal with this is to stay strong and think positively that everything will be alright. What is more important is to keep going and don’t let any obstacle stop me from living.

SEEING THINGS WITH A SILVER LINING

“Always find the good things in every problem.”

That is what my mother always tells me whenever I face problems. I should always find the good things in whatever happens to me. She taught me the most meaningful thing I needed to know in life and that is to treat every obstacle with a silver lining. I have never once given up on my situation. I moved forward, and I tried my best to live life as normally as I could. Sure, there were times when I felt hopeless, but I just kept going.

I learned many things from this incident and I am thankful to everyone who helped me during my difficult times and gave everything they could to help me out. The simple gesture like asking how am I doing and listening to my struggles was already good enough for me. I am also thankful to my dentist for doing everything he can to preserve and fix my teeth. He made sure I got my denture as soon as possible so I didn’t have to feel insecure about my missing and chipped teeth. He tried his best to finish all my surgeries in 6 months. That was impressive!

I’m just happy to be alive and still able to do things I normally do. I finally got my 2 front teeth fixed. I always feel insecure about them because they were too forward and made me look like I have bunny teeth. It took me a long time to finally learn to cherish my imperfections. However, sometimes I still felt very insecure about my teeth and that is why I don’t have a lot of pictures with my teeth out. Because of this incident, I had to get them fixed. Now, this was probably the best thing that came out of that whole nightmare. My brand new front teeth were the silver lining.

My teeth before

I rarely smile with my teeth out because I’m quite conscious of how forward my 2 front teeth were. I got the bunny teeth!

Embracing our

teeth =D

My nephew and I were video chatting one time and he decided to show me his missing teeth. I was like if this kid is proud of his teeth, why should I be ashamed of my 1 missing tooth? So we both smiled with our missing teeth and took a screenshot!

VIOLA!

The outcome of my dental injuries to 6 months of treatments. I’m very pleased that I don’t have the gap in between my 2 front teeth. I can smile without feeling conscious now. Sometimes, I feel like that isn’t me in the picture or whenever I look at myself in the mirror. I guess I’m just not used to having no gaps. =D

Yours Truly,

Michelle Chan

My Bodyweight Story

Losing weight for me is easier than gaining weight. In 28 years, I’ve transformed from being thin to chubby to skinny again and finally to current me now. I’ve been body shamed and have been told that I’m too thin and weak or I got fat.

In this blog, I’m writing about my experience with my weight, body changes, humiliation and struggles to lose and gain weight.

I have to gain weight to save myself when I was in my teenage years. I was very underweight and almost too weak to do much physical stuff. Then, I gained weight and got chubby. I try to change my weight and body appearance due to body shaming and self-insecurities. I want to share my bodyweight journey and ways to cope with body shaming and loving the body that was created for us.

FIRST OF, LET’S TALK ABOUT THE BODY SHAMING

I was a skinny child back then so a lot of my schoolmates used to teased me and even called me a 'broomstick'. I wasn't keen on food as a child. I love eating a lot of sugar, and I eat very little food, and I eat very slowly too. It's super hard for me to gain weight. I was just too thin for my size.

The skinny me before

When I moved to Hong Kong, that is when I started to gain weight. I gained about 15kg very quickly. I'm not sure why I gained so much weight, but I believe it's due to my excess consumption in junk food, and I was in my adolescent years. Anyways I became chubby after a year since moving to Hong Kong. I was told that I was too fat by my ex-boyfriend, so after some time, I started dieting and completely stopped eating rice. I grew up eating rice my whole life and getting rid of rice made me lose weight drastically. I became underweight in less than a year after I became chubby. The diet completely ruins my growth. I would've grown much taller if I didn't do dieting in such a young age.

I was again body-shamed for gaining a bit of weight when I was between 24-25 years old. I was merely happy, and I was in a very healthy relationship, but people don't approve of my size again. I started working out not because of what people say entirely. Although I was affected by people's words so, in a way, they were one of the reasons why I strive myself to get fit. It is also because I couldn't fit in my shorts and jeans anymore and I couldn't afford to buy new pairs so I workout instead of focusing on dieting.

Dieting doesn't go a hundred percent well with my body type. I am aware that dieting works for other people, but unfortunately, dieting does not work fully well with me. I would say dieting may only work for about 40% on me. When I do dieting, my body does reflect very quickly but very unhealthily too. My metabolism affects my body when I do dieting. I only do dieting when it is necessary; otherwise, I would continue to eatl the food I usually eat. I believe to be healthy, we all need greens, grains, proteins and even carbs and fats to make our body well-balanced.

I was body shamed more than a few occasions. I was hurt, and I took it personally. However, I learned to accept myself and not to let those judgemental words dictate me with my weight. As long as I am happy with my body, then no one should make me feel horrible. How did I do that? Well, the answer is simple, yet it took me a lot of effort to finally surpass it.

My chubby years

Whenever I look at myself in the mirror, I focus on the good deeds that I have done to myself and to others too. Then, I started to feel good about myself. Eventually, I learned to love my baby fats, and I accepted my flaws. I was not born with a nice pair of bums, pairs of long legs and balanced torso. You see my bums were flat, I got short legs, and I got two prominent ribs. These are not perfect, but I don't believe in perfection.

However, I do think that we can change that. I can't change the fact that I got short legs so; instead, I try to shape it up by doing some cardio exercises and legs workout such as lunges, squats and burpees. My bums were flat, so I do a lot of squats, lunges, pilates and yoga exercises. Unfortunately for my ribs, there is nothing much I can do, unless of course I remove them which is not very possible.

I have achieved so much since I started working out. I feel a lot healthier and stronger. I use all those criticisms as a way to redeem myself and to help myself love my body a lot better.

As of me in 2019

WHEN I STARTED GAINING WEIGHT

I have been skinny my whole life until I moved to Hong Kong when I was 13. I began to gain weight and eventually, I became chubby. From 44kg, I became 56kg in one year. How did that happen? For starters, I was more exposed to food when I move here as my parents allowed to hang out after school since I started high school. My go-to place is McDonald's. Imagine me eating every day in McDonald's, downing those junk food every day for a year. Of course, I would gain a lot of weight. Anybody would.

Since I gained weight, an ex-boyfriend of mine started body-shaming me, telling me that I've gone too fat so I need to go on a diet. He manipulated me to stop eating rice and to eat less instead of encouraging me to stop eating junk food. I was foolish enough to listen to that boy. Anyways, I lost about 18kg! I became 38kg. How did I know that? Well, we had this yearly check-up at school, and the nurse weighed me and told me that my BMI is too low and I am beyond underweight for my age, I was nearly 17 then. After learning, I started to quit dieting, and all I want to do is to gain more weight as I am already beginning to feel weak physically and mentally affecting me. It is so hard to get back on track in eating. My appetite had changed and was very low too. I can only consume a few spoonfuls of food. There were times that I would force myself to eat more, and I would feel like I need to vomit.

I will probably not let myself become very skinny again as it was a horrific experience and health should be on top of everyone's list. No one should tell us how we should handle our body or even change ourselves. We should be the one to know what is good for us.

STEPS I HAVE BEEN DOING OVER THE YEARS

1. EXERCISE REGULARLY

   Exercising can benefit you in many things such as better lifestyle, healthier body and mind, being productive and feeling strong. I find exercising somehow a bit hard to follow at first as I work full time and most of the time, I would feel tired from work. In spite of that, I still managed to find some time to exercise at least three nights a week. I feel less stressful after releasing all the sweat and unwanted stress in my body. I feel like I am whole again and ready to conquer the world.

   However, as much as exercising is good, it is not for everyone. You must check with yourself or with your doctor about your body types and what exercises are a good fit for you.

   When I started going back to the gym, the gym offered me to have my body assessed. I did the 360 fitness test. It is a machine that scans your body and let you know your muscles, fats and core percentages. As it turned out, my core muscle and thighs muscles are my strengths, and my arms are my weakness. In that test, I was nearly going to be overweight, so immediately I knew what to focus on to get fit and healthy. Doing that test had helped me understand my body more and what exercises are suitable for me to do.

2. YOGA MEDITATION

   Spending some time doing some yoga movement is a very positive way to meditate. Not only it helps calm your nerves and any tensions in your body, but it also makes your body flexible and helps you to have a proper posture. For those who work in an office and have to sit all day will experience their neck feeling stiff and their back feeling uncomfortable. That is because we spend so much time sitting, and eventually, we forget to adjust our posture, hence adding to our stress.

   Yoga has been such a big help for me and my back problem. I was a sloucher since I was a kid. I have never really improved my posture, not since I started doing yoga. It has helped me to remind myself to straighten my back from time to time. I would go and walk around from time to time and do a bit of stretching while at work. Stretching is good as it allows our blood to circulate and to avoid having blood clots.

3. DRINKING MORE TEA

   Tea is an excellent way to start a healthier lifestyle. However, tea consisting of caffeine-free are healthy ones. Drinking excessive of teas are not good though as your body will rely on it daily. I only drink one tea bag a day for five days a week, for instance. I do not want to overdrink tea as I don’t want my body to rely on tea so much that would lead me to be immune to it that will no longer take any effect on a sleepy kind of day when I most need it.

   Tea such as ginger tea helps me with my respiratory and green tea helps me with bowel movements.

   I got my tea from 'Teapigs' as they use real leaves and the flavours are definitely there. When I dip my tea temple into my cup for a few seconds, I can already taste the delicious tea. Also, the tea temples are biodegradable. Check out their website to find out more.

   Teapigs - https://www.teapigs.com/

4. LESS ALCOHOLIC DRINKS

   I used to be an alcoholic before. I drink almost every day in my early adult years. I was stressed and depressed, and alcohol was my way to forget all my problems. That was bad. However, I was fortunate to be able to stop that. I feel a lot better, not drinking as much as I did.

   The reason why I stop my binge drinking was because of my job. When I went back to teaching, I was no able to drink as much as I used to. It has helped me change my lifestyle and to handle stress in a lot different way. I don't see alcohol as my way to de-stress.

   I still drink occasionally, and I find it more enjoyable now that I don't do it very often. However, I don't like having a hangover, who does anyways?

5. AT LEAST 7-8 HOURS OF SLEEP PER DAY

   Studies show that sleeping for 7-8 hours a day is the standard, and it will help us survive the day while at work. I try my best to follow that. Having enough sleep also helps our memory and be more attentive during the day.

   However, I sometimes find it hard to survive the day without yawning or falling asleep. I believe a lot of people suffers from that as well. The problems are usually what we do before we go to sleep. We should avoid any electronic devices such as using mobile phones or laptop while at bed may disrupt our sleeping mode. Some food and drinks such as caffeine and chocolate or even eating a full meal while getting to bed can affect our sleep mode too.

   To have a good sleep, make sure to make yourself relax, make your bedroom comfortable and no lights as much as possible. Drinking a cup of chamomile tea can also be of help with your sleep.

WORKING OUT IS NO EASY THING

When I see people working out in social media or when I watch tips from workout experts, it seems so easy, but it is not. When I went back to the gym in 2017, I struggled so much. My stamina was weak. My only source of exercise in the past was dancing, and pretty much that’s the only thing I did. I am not a sporty type of person, nor do I do any sports at all. Starting was not easy. I had to train myself and learn everything from the instructors.

Exercising needs a lot of self-motivation and commitments too. You have to make time to make yourself move around, and you can’t work out when you are too exhausted from work also because you will make yourself even tired and probably get sick from it. Eating and sleeping well are also another way to live healthily.

One thing I know for sure about working out is that it gets slightly better after some months of continuous workout. You will begin to feel that your tolerance for the intense workout will get higher and higher and the more you will be pushing yourself to do more laps and push up counts.

WATCHING WHAT YOU EAT

To live a healthy lifestyle, one must eat healthily too. Eating the wrong things can cause some deflation on the whole process. Excessive eating of junk food while working out, for instance, is not good as the calories that you lose from working out will go on waste in exchange of the amount of junk food that you consume.

I don't watch out what I eat in the past. I didn't care much about what I eat. I like to eat whatever I want at any time. It doesn't matter if I just finished working out. That was easy because I was younger, and my metabolism was fast back then, so I lose those fats quite quickly. However, the older I get, my metabolism is getting slower; hence, fats do stay in your system without proper care.

So what's so wrong about fats? It's nothing in general as long as you balance it off. We all need fats in or body system. There are two types of fats - the good and the bad ones. The good fats, for example, are avocados, dark chocolate, whole eggs, fatty fish, yoghurt, nuts and cheese. These are healthier to consume. Bad fats, on the other hand, are not so good to have, but we all need to have them from time to time to keep our nutrition well balance. The bad fats consist of junk food and processed food.

MY TRANSFORMATION

Over the years, my body weight has been shifting. From thin to chubby to thin again to chubby. It's like a cycle where it keeps changing depending on my lifestyle. I would say my lifestyle is a lot stable now. Although I am still stressed from work, I am more aware of my health and fitness. I take the time to detox and to exercise regularly.

As you can see, my transformation in the above image. It took me many years to finally settle into my current size and weight. Now I weigh 53kg, which is the right weight for my size and age.

I struggled to gain weight, and I have also experienced a hard time losing those weights and to finally decided to get fit.

My bodyweight journey will not stop here. I will continue to live a healthy lifestyle and discover myself more mentally and physically.

I have recently taken a DNA test for Diet and Fitness from 'Circle DNA'. I bought the vital package mainly focusing on diet and fitness. My result should be out soon. I will be sharing it as soon as I acquire my results.

I wish this blog has been of help. Just remember that you should change for yourself and not to for other people. You may treat other people's judgement as an inspiration to do and live better, but never do it for them entirely. Body shaming should be condemned, but in the world that we are living in is quite impossible. However, we can prevent that by not allowing ourselves to be affected by their words. We also shouldn't judge others.

If you have any questions or would like to share your experiences or thoughts, feel free to leave a comment below.

Yours Truly,

Michelle Chan

The Perks of Doing Things Alone

Most people might think that doing things alone may seem lonely and depressing. Dining in a restaurant alone or going to a spa without your girlfriends may look friendless in many people’s eyes. However, for some people it is quite the opposite as doing things alone can be awesome and enjoyable to many people, like me.

Many people have a fear of doing things alone and trust me, that’s normal as I do have that fear, and it took me many years to fully understand that doing things alone is actually alright. Sometimes we all need that space and time for ourselves, away from all those judgemental eyes.

ACCEPTING THAT BEING ALONE IS OKAY

Here’s the thing people! Before you start doing things alone wholeheartedly, you must first accept that being alone is okay. I know it is hard at the beginning, but like almost everyone else, I struggle too. We are human beings, after all. We all feel insecure from time to time.

How do you start accepting that being alone is okay? Read the tips below to find out how.

ASK YOURSELF THESE QUESTIONS 

Here are some questions to consider and to ask yourself once and for all if being alone is really for you as much as I recommend people to do things alone. However, it isn’t for everyone.

Ask yourself the following:

• You need a haircut. Would you stop yourself from going to the salon just because no one is free to go with you?

• You need to get a massage so severely,  but your friends are pre-occupied. Would you resist a restful hour in the massage place where you can barely speak to your friend anyway?

• You want to watch this movie, but sadly no one wants to watch it. Would you wait for the DVD copy to come out or wait till it shows online instead of watching the movie you waited for so long while it’s out in the cinema?

• You want to attend a class, but none of your friends or relatives has the same interest as you. Are you going to stop yourself from attending the course and miss the chance to learn and gain something simply because you don’t want to go to the class alone?

Now, here are some answers to those questions:

• You need a haircut.

First of all, you don’t need anyone to accompany you. All you need is yourself to be there in the salon and know what kind of hairstyle or hair colour you want to get. The hair stylist and the magazines will keep you company and entertain you if you worry about being bored while waiting.

• You need a massage.

Trust me the mere reason why spa or massage places exist is for people to have relaxation moment. Some quiet moment is what you should be focusing, so don’t worry about going there alone because you’ll get to have some peaceful and quiet moment in the spa.

• You want to watch a movie.

The answer is simple; just go for it even if you watch it yourself. The most important thing is for you to watch the movie that you like and what you’ve been waiting for a long time.

• You want to attend class.

Remember this, you are learning a new skill or hobby for yourself and not for anybody else so don’t think that going to classes alone is embarrassing or awkward because a lot of people do those kinds of things these days.

CHALLENGING AND DISCOVERING YOURSELF WHILE DOING THINGS ALONE

There are many things you can develop and discover about yourself while being alone. You will learn to deal with situations and take matters on your own, which will make your wiser. Doing things alone will make you brave, and it allows you to feel good about yourself. We don’t need a company all the time. We can all learn to have fun alone, and yes, there are plenty of things we can do alone that will make us feel satisfied. We can all learn how to be happy doing things alone.

12 THINGS TO DO ALONE

• PAMPER TIME AT A SPA OR SALON

  Not only it can be peaceful, but you can take as much time as you want in a spa or a salon without having to think how long your friend or boyfriend will have to wait for you to finish.

• GO SUNBATHING AT THE BEACH

  Don’t you ever wish that you could just read the book that has been pilled up in your shelf alone and not having someone talking to you while you read? If you don’t enjoy reading, how about spending a me-time on the beach alone while you relax under the sun?

  I have tried going to the beach alone. At first, it was awkward, but I’m quite surprised to see other people sunbathing alone at the beach too, and that made me feel less conscious of being alone there.

• GO FOR YOGA CLASSES

  Let’s admit this, not everyone does yoga, and not everyone has the time for it. Going to yoga classes on your own can reward yourself a significant amount of smile and relaxation. Anyways, you are not there to chat with your friends anyways; you are there to do movements and to mediate, hence being peaceful.

• HAVE A SHOPPING DAY

  Going shopping on your own can buy you a lot of time to do whatever you want to do and to go wherever you want to go. You hold the time, and you can be all fuzzy as much as you want because no one will be there to whine about how you are taking such a long time trying on different clothes.

• BRUNCH OR TEA TIME IN YOUR FAVOURITE RESTAURANT

  The idea of dining alone can be scary, but it can be surprisingly nice as well. Imagine this, you can order whatever you like, and you can take as much time as you need to devour the food — exploring food by yourself sounds pretty exciting.

• LEARN TO COOK A NEW DISH

  Make use of your kitchen at home and learn to cook a new dish during your free time or whenever you feel like it. Learning on your own not only help you discover things but it makes you more independent, and you get to develop your taste palette as there won’t be anyone to taste the food you’re cooking but yourself so you also get to trust yourself even better, hence you feel more confident.

• TRAVEL SOLO

  It feels good to travel solo because it gives you the chance to do the things you want to do without discouragement. Travelling solo has its advantages and disadvantages, and I believe that it is not for everyone. However, it is good to try and see it for yourself. You might be surprised by the results.

• WATCH YOUR FAVOURITE MOVIE AT THE CINEMA

  Watching a movie in a cinema on your own can be nice because you won’t have any disruptions. No one will be talking to you, and no one is going to be there asking you questions about the movie. Plus you get to devour that popcorn just to yourself!

• JOIN A VOLUNTEER PROGRAM

  If you are the type who likes to help people, doesn’t mind helping people whom you have never met and if you have the time to do it, then volunteering should be on your to-do list. Another advantage would be you get to meet new people and explore different cultures.

• GO FOR A HIKE

  Exploring the wild on your own can be challenging and a bit scary, but it makes you wiser and independent. Can you imagine yourself navigating your way on your own?

• LEARN A NEW HOBBY

  Learning and exploring a new hobby from time to time can help you discover yourself better. You’ll never know what you are capable of doing until you’ve tried it yourself.

• GO FOR A JOG

  Going for an early morning jog is not just good for your physical health, but it’s an excellent way to start your day well. Embrace the fresh air early in the morning.

MY PERSONAL EXPERIENCE

Honestly, I was very much afraid to do things alone. I feel embarrassed about going to a restaurant alone or go to a spa by myself. It took me many years to have the courage to do things alone finally. My very first alone experience was when I wanted to watch a horror film back in 2012 called 'The Eye 3D'. No one else wanted to watch it with me. As a horror fan, I pushed myself to watch the film alone. There were only a few people in the cinema, and I sat alone. It was scary and having someone to accompany me would probably have made me feel less frightened, but I am glad that I did it alone.

I enjoy spending time alone. I used to take it for granted. I always thought that being alone is too lonely and not something very cool to share with people when I was growing up. As an adult, I learnt to do things more independently. It feels good to able to face and overcome my fear of doing things alone. I care about what other people might think of me and eventually, I just grew out of it, and I started to care less.

Let me share one funny story. I was dining in a Japanese ramen restaurant somewhere in Manila alone. When I entered the restaurant, the staff asked me, "Table for two, miss?" so I replied, "No, table for one, please." Right when I finished my meal and asked for the bill, one of the staff asked me, "Miss, why are you eating alone?" So I replied jokingly, "Oh my boyfriend ditch me for lunch. Nah I'm just kidding. I'm here to shop around by myself." Her reaction was priceless because I think she might not have seen many people spending time alone in a restaurant; it must be rare for her. Who knows, I might have inspired her at some point.

For almost two years, I've been doing many things on my own. My first step was joining the gym. I had first joined the gym when I was in high school but I went with my best friend and I also never go to the gym without her. It was a waste of plenty of money. Finally, I join the gym again in late 2017 on my own. I go to the group classes with full of strangers. Honestly, it feels good. I get to decide what lessons I want to attend, and when I want to workout in my most convenient schedule. I also get to learn to motivate myself from going to the gym.

My second step was spending the entire afternoon in a shopping mall. Most of the time, I do shopping myself, but I have never stayed in a big mall on my own before. That was probably the first time and not going to be the last time. I enjoyed it a lot. I went to so many shops and took my time to pick the right things for me to bring home. Although carrying those shopping bags myself was a little bit of a hassle, but it was all worth it.

My third step was going to the beach alone. As mentioned earlier, I felt awkward. I was very close to leaving the beach and forgot about the challenge. However, something changed my mind from leaving. It was the people at the beach, more like the solo beach-goers inspired me that it was okay to do sunbathing alone and so I did. It was a very unforgettable experience, and I would love to do that again.

YES! I definitely watch the sunrise alone. This happened in my Cambodia trip in 2017. Although I was not alone in this trip, but I roam around the famous Angkor Wat on my own and watched the sunrise myself too. It was beautiful and peaceful. I took my sweet time to find the perfect spot for me to sit and to watch the sunrise.

Now before I end this blog, I want to say a few more words. I know it takes a lot of courage and braveness to do things alone, especially for those who are not used to being alone. Instead of living in fear, why not just fight it and start doing the things that you like without having to wait for anyone else to do it with you. I did that for many years, and I wish that I could've changed that earlier, but I believe that nothing is too late. It's better now or never.

I genuinely hope that this blog inspires you, beautiful people. If you have any questions or if you are looking for recommendations, then feel free to leave me a comment. I will be more than happy to help.

Yours Truly,

Michelle Chan

Six Long Years

This blog is mainly dedicated to my favourite human, Ryan and our relationship as we turn six years this year. We just turn six years in September of this year to be precise. Now, the reason why I decided to write a blog about us is that I want to do something different this year. I usually create an anniversary album each year. However, I think the five giant anniversary albums should be enough, and it's time to do something different. I would like to express my gratitude and appreciation to Ryan through words and on my very own website.

Worry not as this is not going to be a sappy and lousy kind of love story. Proceed reading this blog if you are curious or want to be nosy. :D

THE BEGINNING

Every relationship has a story. Every love has its beginning. So how did we started our story?

We started off as friends. When we first met each other, we seriously did not think that we would eventually end up with each other. We became good friends and we go out for drinks and party for more than a few occasions. All that drinking and partying eventually led us to each other. We were partying pretty intensely one night, just the two of us. We both were so drunk that I went home without my bag. I lost my phone, wallet, keys, lipstick and my favourite earphone. There were all inside my bag at the time. I lost everything. Ryan wakes up nowhere with only 1 shoe with him. Despite this unfortunate event, we remembered one thing. We kissed. We couldn’t forget about the kiss.

That one kiss turns out to be the beginning of our adventure together.

Our humble beginnings

Party and drinking days

We love Burger King

The bunny and the monkey

Back when we were still so skinny

WE ARE VERY DIFFERENT

Ryan and I are very different from each other. We have different likes, dislikes, hobbies, favourite types of music and movie genres, expressions towards numerous situations and even different ways of handling things. Despite these differences, we still manage to get along well with each other. We learn how to adjust ourselves and understand each others' differences. 

We never thought that us being different is going to be a problem at all. In fact, I have what he doesn't have and he has what I don't have. For instance, I'm a meticulously organized person, and he is the least organized person. He doesn't mind chopping or slicing vegetables, and I hate doing them. I don't eat pork, but he loves eating pork a lot.

SOMETHING WE HAVE IN COMMON

When I said different, I don't mean totally 100% different. We do have something in common too. We have some common interests such as we both love hiking, trekking, camping and drinking. We both have a big desire for travelling and to see the world one step at a time. 

We both are competitive too, and we often try to compete with each other and see who is smarter or who is a better player when it comes to games. We both love doing exciting things. We also don't mind not seating together when we are with friends. We are not the clingy types. We give each other some space from time to time.  

Paragliding

Bungy Jumping

We love hiking

Try Scuba for the first time together

WE COMPROMISE EACH OTHER A LOT

Despite having some differences, we do a lot of comprising and lots of never-ending understandings too. Sometimes when it gets too frustrating, we end up just laughing it out instead of making our differences a big deal. Although I must admit, Ryan does a better job at compromising. I, on the other hand, have more pride and I would only give in when I am calmer or when I finally realize that I am just being childish. 

I wouldn't say Ryan is the boss or I am the boss in our relationship. We both make decisions together. One of us might have some ideas, but at the end of the day, we still think and decide together. We respect each other a lot, and we value each others' thoughts and opinions. 

WHY WE NEED EACH OTHER

I used to think that I will not meet a man that will make me feel safe and loved. When I met Ryan, it wasn't love in the beginning. We started off as friends and eventually, we fell to each other. We are both very different people, and we learned how to respect our differences. We can help each other with our differences, and there are many times that we truly need each other because of our differences.

Ryan and I have been through a lot. We face many problems and challenges in life. Together we face it all. We have seen each other in our lowest and most vulnerable times. We have also celebrated many good news and blessings. We were there for each other and together we witness how much we have grown as a better human being than we used to be.

It is like we are each others' rock. Without working as one, we can’t get anything done. I like this relationship because we believe that it takes two people to make a relationship work and make it stronger.

SIX YEARS 

Now that we have reach number six, our bond has grown stronger, and it will continue to grow deeper. Reaching this far isn’t an easy work. It takes a lot of patience, unconditional love and respect, unstoppable hurdles, blessings and a lot of understandings to make this relationship work. I should probably say to make any relationship work.

In the mountains

Birthday treat

When in Krabi

Breakfast with Mt. Machhapuchhre

Selfie with Yak

Spoiling me on my birthday

Spoiling him on his birthday

First carnival together

Second glow paint party together

Third glow paint party together

After hiking looks

Jeepney ride in the Philippines

Lunch date at Pici

Is that Bruno Mars sitting beside me?

Butt contest. He wins.

Blue and Red match well

I look forward to writing "Seven Long Roads" next year when we turn seven years.

Yours Truly,

Michelle Chan

Things You Probably Didn't Know About Introverts

Being an Introvert isn't easy or should I say, it could be tough especially we live in a cruel society. Introverts are often misunderstood, disregard and judge which lead to many misconceptions. Many people often misunderstood our silence and how we don't mind spending more time alone. We have our reasons and if you are curious enough, you may continue to read this blog. Before I forget to mention, there are actually plenty of famous celebrities, successful and world leaders that are Introverts. Yes, you read the right thing. You may search "Famous people who are Introverts" in google.com if you don't believe me. I'm not bluffing. I'm just as surprised as you are!

So why did I decide to write a blog about Introverts? The answer is very simple for I am an Introvert and I'm not ashamed to admit that. However, what really inspire me in writing this blog was when I read some articles about Introverts when I was figuring out things about myself. I felt that I should be able to write or more like open up and let people understand why Introverts act the way we are and as much as we may appear cold or snobbish, we are actually nice people. It was such a relief to me after I read those useful and informative articles about Introverts. Majority of the things that I have read were accurate and it applies to me. 

1. I EXPRESS MYSELF BETTER IN WRITING

The easiest way for me to express myself is through writing. I feel like I can express myself better and clearer in writing. You see I am not much of a vocal person in front of a huge crowd unless of course I am required to do public speaking. I write more than I speak.

2. PERSONAL TIME IS EVERYTHING

One thing I love about being an Introvert is that I don't mind being alone at all. Having to have personal time after spending many hours surrounded by people is probably the best therapy for us Introverts. Personal time can be very fulfilling and it gives us the time to think about stuff that we probably can't think when with people due to distractions. Alone time makes us feel most at peace.

3. WE ARE NOT ANTI-SOCIAL

Let me clarify this, Introverts are not anti-social. In fact, we enjoy socialising, but not too extreme - like becoming BFF with every single one in a party or social gathering. We love having people around and we love initiating interesting conversation with people. We are also open-minded people, well for most of us at least. 

However, there may be a moment where you might find us Introverts quiet but listening to people talk instead. Don't take us in a wrong way, we are just taking a break from socialising and although we love to initiate in conversation, sometimes we actually prefer to listen to people talk and somehow talk back through our minds. That is because socialising can be somewhat exhausting. Everyone deserves a break from time to time if not all the time.

4. CRITICIZED AS BEING TOO QUIET OR RESERVED

Because of our silence and lack of voice, we are often criticized as too quiet and too reserved. Believe it or not, we are sort of used to hearing people say that and we know that is not true. Introverts are actually shy people, but not quiet and reserved people. We just prefer not to start a conversation with someone we barely know. 

Let me share something about myself. My friends and including my boyfriend all thought that I am a quiet person when they first met me, but after spending some time chatting with me, they came to a conclusion that they were truly wrong because I am not a quiet person. I talk a lot, I talk about anything and sometimes it's even hard to shut me up. I am a shy person though I must admit. 

5. ASSUMING AND KNOWING THINGS AHEAD OF TIME

I don't see anything wrong with knowing things ahead of time because I like to be prepared for what has to come. I don't fancy surprises and to me, surprises can make me flustered. I tend to assume things because that is what my brain is for, I think a lot like a lot of lot. 

6. WE DON'T GET BORED WITH OUR OWN COMPANY

Frankly speaking, I don't mind or I don't feel bad being alone. In fact, I enjoy my own company and I don't get bored with myself. I get to do things myself and without anyone judging or observing me. 

I can either use my phone for hours, play games or watch movies for the entire day, finish a book and even facial time with myself without feeling bored because I always find something to do without relying on others. So in other words, I am the type who don't mind staying at home at all.

7. SOMETIMES WE ENJOY THE ATTENTION

Introverts also enjoy attention not just extroverts. We need to feel special too from time to time. We need to feel that we are being appreciated despite our shy personality, we are still human beings with the need for attention. However, we don't like having too much attention. A simple thank you gesture of any sort will be enough to make our day.  

8.  WE ARE ACTUALLY A PEOPLE PERSON AND WE ENJOY MEETING NEW PEOPLE

I get very excited when I know I'm meeting new people even though I don't normally show much expression that I am excited. I won't go like, "Woaaaah! Yaaay! New people!" that kind of expression. I would rather let it go with the flow once I meet that person. I don't try too hard to make a good impression, though I believe in first impression and personal connection.

I am also a people person because I actually like surrounding myself with people especially those who are close to me. I like entertaining people too.

9. SURPRISES ARE NOT MY BIGGEST FAN

I don't fancy surprises. To me, surprises can be overwhelming and awkward. I dislike being unprepared because I like to know things ahead of time so I can prepare myself for what has to come rather than getting shocked and shit face. 

Just because I said I don't like surprises, doesn't mean that I would hate anyone who plans to surprise me. I just prefer not to deal with surprises, but if it happens then it happens!

10. TOO MUCH SOCIALIZING CAN BE EXHAUSTING

Think about talking non-stop for hours with either the same group of people or worse with numerous kind of people. It can get pretty exhausting and it will suck out all of your energy. Some people enjoy or don't mind doing this because they're born social butterflies and whilst for introverts too much socializing can be pretty tiring. 

Toilet breaks or checking on our phones are our ways to conserve or regain our energy,  

11. WE ARE OFTEN NOT GIVEN PROPER RECOGNITIONS

We introverts are silent workers. We prefer doing things through actions instead of talking or bullshitting. Because we are silent workers, we are often not given proper recognition from neither work or school.

In my 8 years of work experience, I only had one manager who had seen my potential and saw me as a leader which led me to my very first promotion. I don't like to brag about how much I work, at least not through words, but I show my hard work through my actions. 

12. WE ARE VERY GOOD OBSERVERS

We like to observe before we say anything. It is because we make decisions very carefully and we want to see what other people might say first, even though we already have the answers in our genius mind (JK!). We are good at noticing the smallest details and things that not a lot of people care to see. 

13. I DON'T LIKE PICKING UP ANY STRANGERS OR UNKNOWN CALL

I can't explain why, but I'm terrified of picking up unknown calls or calls from someone I barely talk to. I think I'm just anxious about the fact that I don't know what to talk about or that I think too much about what the caller is going to tell me. Work calls, for instance. 

Don't get me wrong though, I love talking on the phone. I can spend hours over the phone just chitchatting about anything, but of course, I only do that with my closest people. 

14. WE LIKE TO DO THINGS OUR OWN WAY

We introverts are full of ideas. That is because we spend more time observing and thinking in our own world. There are many things that we prefer to do many things or everything our own way. It's not because we don't like your method or ideas. It's just that we have our own way of handling things and we do what we make us feel comfortable. We can be quite stubborn at times, but we do listen and follow the rules when needed. 

15. I LEARN TO LOVE AND ACCEPT MYSELF

Last but not the least, I finally learn how to love myself or should I say accept myself first. It's not easy at first, but I eventually learn more about myself. I went on a deep research about why I am the way I am until I get to really know myself. We never really stop discovering yourself and every day is a new day and a chance for us to learn something about yourself even more. 

Frankly speaking, It took me many years to finally realized what is happening to me. I always knew that I am a shy person and I have fear of talking to people. At first, I hated how I was before and I had many desires to change that disgusting habit of mine, however, I let fear get to me for many years. Finally, I learn to accept who I am and I try to improve it slowly but surely. I also want to say Thank you to those who have been giving me the courage to face my fear and for accepting me for I am. 

Being an Introvert isn't a bad thing. Being an Introvert isn't a incapability or disability. Being an Introvert is awesome. It is not our fault if we were born shy or having fears of talking to people in general. We shouldn't let anyone stop us from fulfilling what we want to achieve in life. We may have to work extra harder in this cruel society, but always remember that a good and smart people would notice you before you even have to show or prove anything. Just be you and love yourself. 

Yours Truly,

Michelle Chan