Losing weight for me is easier than gaining weight. In 28 years, I’ve transformed from being thin to chubby to skinny again and finally to current me now. I’ve been body shamed and have been told that I’m too thin and weak or I got fat.
In this blog, I’m writing about my experience with my weight, body changes, humiliation and struggles to lose and gain weight.
I have to gain weight to save myself when I was in my teenage years. I was very underweight and almost too weak to do much physical stuff. Then, I gained weight and got chubby. I try to change my weight and body appearance due to body shaming and self-insecurities. I want to share my bodyweight journey and ways to cope with body shaming and loving the body that was created for us.
FIRST OF, LET’S TALK ABOUT THE BODY SHAMING
I was a skinny child back then so a lot of my schoolmates used to teased me and even called me a 'broomstick'. I wasn't keen on food as a child. I love eating a lot of sugar, and I eat very little food, and I eat very slowly too. It's super hard for me to gain weight. I was just too thin for my size.
The skinny me before
When I moved to Hong Kong, that is when I started to gain weight. I gained about 15kg very quickly. I'm not sure why I gained so much weight, but I believe it's due to my excess consumption in junk food, and I was in my adolescent years. Anyways I became chubby after a year since moving to Hong Kong. I was told that I was too fat by my ex-boyfriend, so after some time, I started dieting and completely stopped eating rice. I grew up eating rice my whole life and getting rid of rice made me lose weight drastically. I became underweight in less than a year after I became chubby. The diet completely ruins my growth. I would've grown much taller if I didn't do dieting in such a young age.
I was again body-shamed for gaining a bit of weight when I was between 24-25 years old. I was merely happy, and I was in a very healthy relationship, but people don't approve of my size again. I started working out not because of what people say entirely. Although I was affected by people's words so, in a way, they were one of the reasons why I strive myself to get fit. It is also because I couldn't fit in my shorts and jeans anymore and I couldn't afford to buy new pairs so I workout instead of focusing on dieting.
Dieting doesn't go a hundred percent well with my body type. I am aware that dieting works for other people, but unfortunately, dieting does not work fully well with me. I would say dieting may only work for about 40% on me. When I do dieting, my body does reflect very quickly but very unhealthily too. My metabolism affects my body when I do dieting. I only do dieting when it is necessary; otherwise, I would continue to eatl the food I usually eat. I believe to be healthy, we all need greens, grains, proteins and even carbs and fats to make our body well-balanced.
I was body shamed more than a few occasions. I was hurt, and I took it personally. However, I learned to accept myself and not to let those judgemental words dictate me with my weight. As long as I am happy with my body, then no one should make me feel horrible. How did I do that? Well, the answer is simple, yet it took me a lot of effort to finally surpass it.
My chubby years
Whenever I look at myself in the mirror, I focus on the good deeds that I have done to myself and to others too. Then, I started to feel good about myself. Eventually, I learned to love my baby fats, and I accepted my flaws. I was not born with a nice pair of bums, pairs of long legs and balanced torso. You see my bums were flat, I got short legs, and I got two prominent ribs. These are not perfect, but I don't believe in perfection.
However, I do think that we can change that. I can't change the fact that I got short legs so; instead, I try to shape it up by doing some cardio exercises and legs workout such as lunges, squats and burpees. My bums were flat, so I do a lot of squats, lunges, pilates and yoga exercises. Unfortunately for my ribs, there is nothing much I can do, unless of course I remove them which is not very possible.
I have achieved so much since I started working out. I feel a lot healthier and stronger. I use all those criticisms as a way to redeem myself and to help myself love my body a lot better.
As of me in 2019
WHEN I STARTED GAINING WEIGHT
I have been skinny my whole life until I moved to Hong Kong when I was 13. I began to gain weight and eventually, I became chubby. From 44kg, I became 56kg in one year. How did that happen? For starters, I was more exposed to food when I move here as my parents allowed to hang out after school since I started high school. My go-to place is McDonald's. Imagine me eating every day in McDonald's, downing those junk food every day for a year. Of course, I would gain a lot of weight. Anybody would.
Since I gained weight, an ex-boyfriend of mine started body-shaming me, telling me that I've gone too fat so I need to go on a diet. He manipulated me to stop eating rice and to eat less instead of encouraging me to stop eating junk food. I was foolish enough to listen to that boy. Anyways, I lost about 18kg! I became 38kg. How did I know that? Well, we had this yearly check-up at school, and the nurse weighed me and told me that my BMI is too low and I am beyond underweight for my age, I was nearly 17 then. After learning, I started to quit dieting, and all I want to do is to gain more weight as I am already beginning to feel weak physically and mentally affecting me. It is so hard to get back on track in eating. My appetite had changed and was very low too. I can only consume a few spoonfuls of food. There were times that I would force myself to eat more, and I would feel like I need to vomit.
I will probably not let myself become very skinny again as it was a horrific experience and health should be on top of everyone's list. No one should tell us how we should handle our body or even change ourselves. We should be the one to know what is good for us.
STEPS I HAVE BEEN DOING OVER THE YEARS
EXERCISE REGULARLY
Exercising can benefit you in many things such as better lifestyle, healthier body and mind, being productive and feeling strong. I find exercising somehow a bit hard to follow at first as I work full time and most of the time, I would feel tired from work. In spite of that, I still managed to find some time to exercise at least three nights a week. I feel less stressful after releasing all the sweat and unwanted stress in my body. I feel like I am whole again and ready to conquer the world.
However, as much as exercising is good, it is not for everyone. You must check with yourself or with your doctor about your body types and what exercises are a good fit for you.
When I started going back to the gym, the gym offered me to have my body assessed. I did the 360 fitness test. It is a machine that scans your body and let you know your muscles, fats and core percentages. As it turned out, my core muscle and thighs muscles are my strengths, and my arms are my weakness. In that test, I was nearly going to be overweight, so immediately I knew what to focus on to get fit and healthy. Doing that test had helped me understand my body more and what exercises are suitable for me to do.
YOGA MEDITATION
Spending some time doing some yoga movement is a very positive way to meditate. Not only it helps calm your nerves and any tensions in your body, but it also makes your body flexible and helps you to have a proper posture. For those who work in an office and have to sit all day will experience their neck feeling stiff and their back feeling uncomfortable. That is because we spend so much time sitting, and eventually, we forget to adjust our posture, hence adding to our stress.
Yoga has been such a big help for me and my back problem. I was a sloucher since I was a kid. I have never really improved my posture, not since I started doing yoga. It has helped me to remind myself to straighten my back from time to time. I would go and walk around from time to time and do a bit of stretching while at work. Stretching is good as it allows our blood to circulate and to avoid having blood clots.
DRINKING MORE TEA
Tea is an excellent way to start a healthier lifestyle. However, tea consisting of caffeine-free are healthy ones. Drinking excessive of teas are not good though as your body will rely on it daily. I only drink one tea bag a day for five days a week, for instance. I do not want to overdrink tea as I don’t want my body to rely on tea so much that would lead me to be immune to it that will no longer take any effect on a sleepy kind of day when I most need it.
Tea such as ginger tea helps me with my respiratory and green tea helps me with bowel movements.
I got my tea from 'Teapigs' as they use real leaves and the flavours are definitely there. When I dip my tea temple into my cup for a few seconds, I can already taste the delicious tea. Also, the tea temples are biodegradable. Check out their website to find out more.
Teapigs - https://www.teapigs.com/
LESS ALCOHOLIC DRINKS
I used to be an alcoholic before. I drink almost every day in my early adult years. I was stressed and depressed, and alcohol was my way to forget all my problems. That was bad. However, I was fortunate to be able to stop that. I feel a lot better, not drinking as much as I did.
The reason why I stop my binge drinking was because of my job. When I went back to teaching, I was no able to drink as much as I used to. It has helped me change my lifestyle and to handle stress in a lot different way. I don't see alcohol as my way to de-stress.
I still drink occasionally, and I find it more enjoyable now that I don't do it very often. However, I don't like having a hangover, who does anyways?
AT LEAST 7-8 HOURS OF SLEEP PER DAY
Studies show that sleeping for 7-8 hours a day is the standard, and it will help us survive the day while at work. I try my best to follow that. Having enough sleep also helps our memory and be more attentive during the day.
However, I sometimes find it hard to survive the day without yawning or falling asleep. I believe a lot of people suffers from that as well. The problems are usually what we do before we go to sleep. We should avoid any electronic devices such as using mobile phones or laptop while at bed may disrupt our sleeping mode. Some food and drinks such as caffeine and chocolate or even eating a full meal while getting to bed can affect our sleep mode too.
To have a good sleep, make sure to make yourself relax, make your bedroom comfortable and no lights as much as possible. Drinking a cup of chamomile tea can also be of help with your sleep.
WORKING OUT IS NO EASY THING
When I see people working out in social media or when I watch tips from workout experts, it seems so easy, but it is not. When I went back to the gym in 2017, I struggled so much. My stamina was weak. My only source of exercise in the past was dancing, and pretty much that’s the only thing I did. I am not a sporty type of person, nor do I do any sports at all. Starting was not easy. I had to train myself and learn everything from the instructors.
Exercising needs a lot of self-motivation and commitments too. You have to make time to make yourself move around, and you can’t work out when you are too exhausted from work also because you will make yourself even tired and probably get sick from it. Eating and sleeping well are also another way to live healthily.
One thing I know for sure about working out is that it gets slightly better after some months of continuous workout. You will begin to feel that your tolerance for the intense workout will get higher and higher and the more you will be pushing yourself to do more laps and push up counts.
WATCHING WHAT YOU EAT
To live a healthy lifestyle, one must eat healthily too. Eating the wrong things can cause some deflation on the whole process. Excessive eating of junk food while working out, for instance, is not good as the calories that you lose from working out will go on waste in exchange of the amount of junk food that you consume.
I don't watch out what I eat in the past. I didn't care much about what I eat. I like to eat whatever I want at any time. It doesn't matter if I just finished working out. That was easy because I was younger, and my metabolism was fast back then, so I lose those fats quite quickly. However, the older I get, my metabolism is getting slower; hence, fats do stay in your system without proper care.
So what's so wrong about fats? It's nothing in general as long as you balance it off. We all need fats in or body system. There are two types of fats - the good and the bad ones. The good fats, for example, are avocados, dark chocolate, whole eggs, fatty fish, yoghurt, nuts and cheese. These are healthier to consume. Bad fats, on the other hand, are not so good to have, but we all need to have them from time to time to keep our nutrition well balance. The bad fats consist of junk food and processed food.
MY TRANSFORMATION
Over the years, my body weight has been shifting. From thin to chubby to thin again to chubby. It's like a cycle where it keeps changing depending on my lifestyle. I would say my lifestyle is a lot stable now. Although I am still stressed from work, I am more aware of my health and fitness. I take the time to detox and to exercise regularly.
As you can see, my transformation in the above image. It took me many years to finally settle into my current size and weight. Now I weigh 53kg, which is the right weight for my size and age.
I struggled to gain weight, and I have also experienced a hard time losing those weights and to finally decided to get fit.
My bodyweight journey will not stop here. I will continue to live a healthy lifestyle and discover myself more mentally and physically.
I have recently taken a DNA test for Diet and Fitness from 'Circle DNA'. I bought the vital package mainly focusing on diet and fitness. My result should be out soon. I will be sharing it as soon as I acquire my results.
I wish this blog has been of help. Just remember that you should change for yourself and not to for other people. You may treat other people's judgement as an inspiration to do and live better, but never do it for them entirely. Body shaming should be condemned, but in the world that we are living in is quite impossible. However, we can prevent that by not allowing ourselves to be affected by their words. We also shouldn't judge others.
If you have any questions or would like to share your experiences or thoughts, feel free to leave a comment below.
Yours Truly,
Michelle Chan
